Pulling Away After Sleeping With You
The story seems as old as time- a woman falls for a man who is really only after a little bit of steamy romance.
After he has done his business, he splits before the sun has completely risen into the sky. Movies and television uphold this story with secondary characters that come in and out of scenes so fast their names do not even show up in the credits.
Losing Touch After Intimacy… Should You Be Worried?
Let’s be honest, most women have come to expect that from at least one of their partners.
And, depending on how many guys you are with the odds might not be in your favor all the time. However, what about your boyfriend? You know, the guy you finally had a real connection with and have dated for several months. What happens when he pulls away after intimacy?
It’s Not You, It’s Me: And Other Signs of Distance
Let’s break it down a little bit. It is very unlikely that a man who has courted and dined with you is only after one thing. (Trust us, there are easier ways to get sex that don’t include months of dating.) For most women, emotional withdrawal from their boyfriend pulls them down into destructive questioning.
Was it my fault?
Was it my body?
Am I being too clingy?
Am I bad in bed?
Before we go too far down the rabbit hole, here are three things to keep in mind.
And really, thank goodness. Would you want to be with someone as emotional as you? I mean, there is a reason you are not dating one of your girlfriends. Most women are attracted to naturally masculine qualities in a male such as strength, humor, and intelligence. It’s not that women don’t posses these qualities but they are uniquely expressed in males in a way that is different from their female counterparts.
Often times, men withdraw because they need to deal with their emotions privately before expressing them. Drawing back into their own space is just allowing them to establish a sense of self in a relationship that probably has them excited.
It isn’t fair to expect men to experience the same emotional energy that we might feel about having sex. If you push it onto your guy he might feel like he is losing his freedom thus making it harder to work and focus.
The emotional closeness we naturally feel after having sex may feel unnatural to him. But that does not mean he does not care.
Freedom and Individuality Matter to Him
Men want to experience freedom and individuality in a relationship. Often times, if a man tells you that he is not ready to commit what he really means is that he is afraid of being drawn to you- that he is, in fact, attracted to you.
Now that doesn’t mean you bust out your night vision goggles.
But you also do not have to live in fear. Being a man is different than being a woman- that is why you were attracted to him in the first place! As counter-intuitive as it seems, freedom is only a threat to you if you don’t let him have his space.
If your man is a decent human being who has shown interest and delight in you previously, he is probably just giving himself space after such an intense and conjoining act.
There’s a Little Bit of Science Behind Withdrawal
In fact, there is quite a bit of research and evidence that explain why when men get too attached they feel uneasy or uncomfortable. As men bond with women a hormone called oxytocin is secreted.
In women, it lowers their stress level and helps them bond with their lovers and their babies. However, in men it actually lowers their testosterone and raises their stress level.
The closeness of sex, in the long run, can stress out the man more than the woman in a purely chemical sense. Therefore, if he is really attracted to you, he might need some time to cope with his feelings.
If your relationship is strong, a little lull won’t hurt it. If the guy you once thought was a Prince Charming turns out to be a dud, it’s better to let him swim away and resolve in choosing better next time. Remember that you deserve someone who loves you for who you are- and your man deserves the same.